Report from the New York
Yearly Meeting Young Adult Field Secretary,
Gabrielle Savory
Bailey
July 24, 2013—Silver Bay,
New York
Good morning, Friends.
Frequently this year I was asked by meetings and individuals
to talk to them about how to attract more Young Adults and Families. They explain to me, how their Meeting is
dying, and they need to get more young people.
I hear this as a very pressing and serious concern. I also travel around
and witness that there are a lot of great things happening in many of the
Monthly Meetings of this Yearly Meeting, and not only that, but there are
indeed Young Adults and families that are involved.
In my survey of 151
Young Adults in NYYM, 76 did not grow up as Quakers. That is huge. That means that there are more than half of
our Young Adults are coming to our Meetings with little knowledge of Quakerism. We have an amazing opportunity here. 86 of the respondents to my survey did not
grow up in the meeting they attend. So,
even those who do grow up as Quakers, they move, and find new communities. There are opportunities all over for Young
Adults and Families.
The language we use is powerful. I hear, repeatedly, how people refer to
Quakerism as dying, and it really impacts me.
I think that one step to growth is to stop saying we are dying. Imagine receiving an invitation. The
invitation reads PLEASE COME, WE ARE DYING AND IF YOU COME WE MIGHT STAND A
CHANCE AT SURVIVAL. The person then goes on to say that the gathering will be
awful, no one interesting will be there, it will probably end 5 minutes after
it starts, and you probably have better plans anyway. But if you have nothing better to do, you can
come.
I hear the concern, and anxiety, deeply, that we are
dwindling in numbers and our meetings are tired, over worked, and overwhelmed
with committee work, and want fresh life.
It is human nature to focus on the sad, bad and difficult. I wonder if there is a way to examine our
language, and our relationship with our Meetings as they are. Friends, I believe that life attracts life.
Early Friends had a vibrant movement.
They were filled to exploding over the Good News they were experiencing
and the Fire God was asking them to spread.
And spread it did because people witnessed that there was something
really moving there, and they could not wait to be a part of it. It is easy to think that when I talk about
“dying” that this is about age. I have encountered
deeply alive, spiritual people at all ages, some quite young, others quite
old. This is not about age, we are all part of this work.
What if instead the invitation you get to our hypothetical
event reads, “YOU ARE INVITED TO JOIN OUR DIVINE EXPERIMENT WHICH IS ALWAYS REVEALING
ITSELF AND WILL FILL YOU WITH THE SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES YOU LONG FOR.” Think of
a great event you have been a part of.
One where you really felt welcomed and the hospitality was really good. Maybe it was a party, a quiet evening by a
fire with a friend, or a satisfying debate over dinner. Most likely it was a
place where there was some sort of energy, purpose, passion, life,
presence. Perhaps you were greeted
warmly, or given a preview of what was going to happen. Perhaps you were listened to. What made that place a place you wanted to
be?
What if we cultivate what is ALIVE in our meetings, and practice
radical hospitality to each other and to anyone we encounter? What if we see
ourselves as divine hosts, and think carefully about how we provide hospitality,
radical hospitality, while they are there. This hospitality, the giving and the receiving of it, is part of being
present to God and to each other and manifest what is ALIVE and revealing
itself to us. I have been welcomed,
lovingly into many of your meetings and homes. I have heard about support committees, the
loving care you give each other, the schools you oversee, the meals you share, your
Quaker Quests, the groups of Young Adults that gather in fellowship and worship,
intergenerational worships, new worship groups, and retreats. There are so many great things happening in
the Meetings I visit. This is not to say
that there is not also struggle, and fatigue in some meetings. But what I invite us to do is to look deeply
for the ways that we are already alive.
The party is already happening, even if no one else comes.
There are many ways to manifest radical hospitality, and it
looks different for each person. Perhaps it is making sure others are comfortable,
or introducing them to other people they have things in common with. Some people are good at asking about and
anticipating the needs of others. Some
people show hospitality through food or keeping a clean welcoming space, some people
can talk about their faith eloquently, some live in response to their experience
with God, and never speak a word of it. Some make sure there is an entry point
for a guest, and that they will feel tended to for the whole time they are there.
How can we each manifest what
is most alive in us, and share that with others, new or not?
I often hear how long people
feel new. It is MUCH longer than the
Meeting perceives them as new. Because
Meetings are so thirsty for young people and families, I think we forget that
they can feel new for a long time (sometimes years). They need to learn our history, our acronyms,
our peculiar practices. They might need
to learn what gifts they have, forget about on what committee they will be well
used. They might need to hear about our individual journeys, leadings and
gifts.. They might not understand this peculiar tradition, and might need a
present host to guide them through, for a while, could be a long while.
In my survey I asked “what are needs for Young Adult Friends
and Families?” and “What are you hungry for?”
I found myself excited by the answers, and hopeful. Some responses were:
·
Understanding procedures and practices
·
Feeling welcomed
·
“Eldering (Even though we do not like to admit
it)”
·
Nurturing spiritual gifts
·
“we need connections, responsibility and
Guidance.”
·
Deep worship
·
Prayer life
·
Hearing the Spiritual journeys of others
·
“Opportunities to explore both silence and
conversations with diverse friends.”,
·
“I want
to journey with people into our preconceived notions and spirituality.”
·
“People expressing interest in who I am, combined with being
able to see that the community is thoughtful and loving to itself and others”
The responses were not limited to going where there were
other young people. They mostly want connection in this world that is more and more
disconnected, and deeper spiritual discourse in this world that is more and
more secular. Isn’t that what many
people want, regardless of age? The good
news is that there is great value and life in the practices of Friends. Many people are looking for the very practices
that are central to our tradition.
Whether or not anyone new comes to us, we can be alive in our faith
communities.
Friends, we have a call.
We have a call to be good hosts, and to be guides, not just to new
comers. We are sometimes so afraid of telling
people what to believe, and what to do, that we do not share what is life
giving. And because of that fear, we do
not engage people where they long to be. Many people, younger and older, that I
have spoken to in my travels talk about the importance of SOME ONE in their
life who saw them, heard them, and made an impact on their life. That person may never know they had this impact. But in being present to them, they changed
that person’s life, forever. They became
a guidepost in their spiritual journey.
I would venture a guess that you have someone in your life who did this
for you. This is not age dependent.
Young and old can be present to each other. We have the amazing
opportunity to walk with each other, and to know each other deeply, and to answer
to that of God in each other.
I think that sometimes in our most well-meaning attempts to
make people included, we rush to find them something to do. It might be helpful to allow people to take
time to see either where they fit in to what already exists, or to see that
there is room for them to do work they see as alive in themselves. Here are
three quotes that might give us a perspective on how our fear is read by new
comers.
·
“The hunger in the eyes of Quakers for youthful
participation has disturbed me.”
·
“My MM eagerly pursued my attendance on
committee not more than 3 weeks after I met them, and I have been lapsed ever
since.” And
·
“ I was an attender at a meeting in Ohio and
they were constantly asking me to be on a committee and give back, except I
truly didn’t have the time to commit.”
This is in no way to induce guilt. I know that this eagerness comes from a good
place. What I invite us to sit with is
how our language might be coming across. What new comers, or long timers for
that matter, might hear is that they can’t find people to serve on committees. So, why would they jump in? Would they want to end up like the very tired
people they see? (remember they still feel new!) When asked why they did not do
committee work on my survey, The top answers, of those who responded to the
question, were, 35 said they did not want to sign up for too much, 32 they did
not know what they were led to do, 31 said they do not know what is available, 18
said they do not know how their gifts would be best used.
This leads me to wonder, how do we portray committee work,
and what is available? How do we talk to our youth, and our membership about
committee work and worship? Are these
things that are portrayed as better to be avoided because of being boring and
life sucking? Are there ways to be involved in Service to the meeting that does
not require a committee commitment? Can we prune what is no longer alive? Do we
welcome new life as it arises?
Can we please acknowledge
that there is a problem with burn out in our Yearly Meeting and our Monthly
Meetings? Can we please lovingly address
the needs of those who are doing too much?
This is as much a ministry to the life of the Meeting, as it is the
individual. This is part of radical
hospitality.
I want to say again, I witness life in our Meetings! When I asked about positive experiences in my
survey, here are some responses I got:
·
Powell House and other conferences
·
“Being asked to serve in a way that my matched
gifts”
·
“hearing about life stories of older Quakers”
·
“people being open, explaining, struggling with
spiritual questions.”
·
“inviting me to volunteer or be part of the
service of the meeting.”
·
“Going to Sessions and meeting F/friends who
accepted me on my own terms and engaged me in spiritually enriching, seeking
conversations with me, and journeying through those together.”
We have so much to share, and we do. We have Opportunities to be present to each
other, and God, and share our lives with everyone that is part of our Meetings.
What we can do is share the witness
of how God is manifesting in our lives, and in our Meetings, in struggle, in
service, in connections, in matters of conscience. This work belongs to all of
us, at every age. How
can we be good hosts and answer to that of God in all who we encounter? How can
we be good guests and engage with the party we are being offered? Do we see our
whole life, and our relationships to others, as a testimony to how God is
moving in us? Then, as we live into that witness, we are alive.
Respectfully Submitted,
Gabrielle Savory Bailey
